I was so thankful to see Tim Challies review the parenting book "To Train Up a Child" on his blog. He started a 2 part series yesterday (Part 1) and concluded it today (Part 2). Tim Challies says this, " My interest in this book is based in part on its popularity and in part on the way in which it very clearly highlights how faulty foundational beliefs will lead to faulty actions. In the first part of the review I showed that Pearl advocates a particular method of training children and that he distinguishes this training from discipline. Today I want to show you that much of his technique flows out of his denial of a key Christian doctrine.
Below is his conclusion but I would encourage you to go read all of it.
Conclusion
There is much more that could be said about this book. Let’s be clear that it is not all bad. Pearl shares some things—many things—that are both practically useful and biblically accurate. Many Christians read the book, apply those good parts, and ignore the rest. But the fact remains that the weight of the book is driven by an unbiblical view of human nature which in turn leads to the wrong emphases. In place of the gracious, loving mercy of gospel is the harsh justice of law.
In this way To Train Up a Child is the very opposite of books that encourage you to pursue your child’s heart, that teach that “the heart is the heart of the matter.” In Pearl’s view there is no heart to get to—not yet. For now there is the conditioning of poor behavior, the administration of the rod, and the purging of sin through a child’s pain.
Would you like an alternative? I would encourage you to pick up William Farley’s Gospel-Powered Parenting. It will show from the Bible how the gospel of grace shapes and transforms parenting.
I was personally handed this book back in 2004 as a brand-new mom from someone in our Sunday school class. Oh how I wish I would have had this book review then! I believe it would have spared me much confusion and pressure in this fight to understand how to parent in grace and truth. I remember reading the book then and realized the author had an inaccurate view of the origin of sin (believing that children are not born sinful). I was too ignorant then to see how that wrong thinking completely affects ones parenting advice. So I tried my best to train Carson in every way....and in many ways was driven to promote justice of the law to the neglect of mercy. Thankfully I was also reading books like "Shepherding a Child's Heart" by Tedd Tripp during this same time and found it so much more helpful, freeing, and encouraging. I was so the new mom that wanted all the facts to try and do the best I could at this new role!
This is not to say that I now have it "figured out" but I am realizing that's the point...I will never have this parenting gig figured out. I will remain desperately in need of my Savior every step of the way! Our flesh desperately wants a method and formula to cling to as we raise our kids. Just hand me the manual and I'll do my best to execute it! But it doesn't work that way. God wants me to abide in Him as I seek to love, nurture, teach and train these children. I need His grace continually and His grace is sufficient!
I still struggle with the tension of truth and grace as it pertains to parenting. How to discipline and teach obedience all the while being gracious and merciful and keeping it centered on Jesus and His Cross!
I've also been very impacted by "Gospel-Powered Parenting" by William Farley and "Give Them Grace" by Elyse M. Fitzpatrick and Jessica Thompson. These books have been so helpful and I would highly recommend them!
May God continue to grant us wisdom as we (by His grace and power) pour into our precious children for His glory and their good while keeping our eyes on Jesus!
