Spencer Jeremy

A little late but I had to make one of these for my Spencer since I made one for the other 3. I am SO thankful for this baby!

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Love these kiddos...

sweet moments...

a year later

One year ago today

I went in for my routine 16 week appointment and heard those dreaded words

unfortunately there is no heartbeat

and I sat there in complete shock as those words slowly seeped into my heart

there are no words to explain the pain of that loss

one year later I'm still so saddened by this reality

I still wonder about that baby...

was it a boy or a girl?

what would he/she have looked like?

what would we have named him/her?

Here I sit a year later in a much different place

I'm blessed beyond comprehension to be holding a precious baby boy

I don't deserve it, I don't deserve any of them

But Spencer does not replace the baby we lost

There is still much sadness over the loss of that child

There are many things I've heard that were intended to bring comfort

such as "maybe the baby had special needs" or

"maybe God was protecting you from more pain later" or

"you'll see your baby again in heaven one day"....

so well-meaning but not helpful for lasting peace and comfort.

I still don't have the "why" answered and I may never know why

God created this life in me and then took it away...but this I know....

My God is good and He is sovereign

He does not make mistakes

He is unchanging

He does all things for His glory and my good

and this brings lasting comfort

Because of who He is

I have much comfort and peace

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

So today,

there is still much grief and pain

but there is also the joy of seeing God's faithfulness and comfort in pain

I trust Him

and that's what I'll continue to say and stand on in this life....

even when it doesn't make sense and my questions are not answered

It's been a tough year 2010.

I will never forget it!

It came with much pain but also with the nearness of God like I don't experience when life is "easy."

Here are the lyrics to a song that was so helpful to me as I grieved this year and I can't hear it without shedding a tear and thinking about this season. It's called "From This One Place" by Sara Groves. It says well what my heart has said a million times over....

From This One Place

I was about to give up and that's no lie

cardinal landed outside my window

threw his head back and sang a song

so beautiful it made me cry

took me back to a childhood tree

full of birds and dreams

from this one place I can't see very far

in this one moment I'm square in the dark

these are the things I will trust in my heart

you can see something else

something else

I don't know what's making me so afraid

tiny cloud over my head

heavy and grey with a hint of dread

I don't like to feel this way

take me back to a window seat

with clouds beneath my feet

from this one place I can't see very far

in this one moment I'm square in the dark

these are the things I will trust in my heart

you can see something else

something else

I trust that He sees something else and all the loss and pain truly are for His glory and my good! His grace IS sufficient!!!!

Today

Adventures in Boyhood...

Some days I feel like my little boy is growing up right before my eyes. He is turning into a big boy fast! It is fun to see him develop in his interests and abilities. Such a fun age! The other day Jeremy and Carson went "hunting" around the woods by our house and as I was literally putting dinner on the table Carson walks in the kitchen holding 2 dead squirrels by the tail that they shot. Yes, adventures in boyhood for sure...

Botanical Gardens

My parents were here all week to help us with all our conferences and trips that were back to back this week. They are such a blessing to us and I'm so thankful that they are willing and available to come help in this way. We went to the Botanical Gardens on Saturday and enjoyed the beautiful weather. It was a nice pace after such a busy week!

Trip to Dallas

Last Tuesday Jeremy, Spencer and I flew to Dallas for 2 nights to be there for Amy as she embarks on her new journey to India this summer. It was a special service and I'm SO thankful we were able to be there. We are going to miss Amy immensely here in Clemson but we are also very excited to see how God continues to use her for His glory! I can't believe I didn't get a picture of Spencer on the plane. He did a great job and it was so easy having just one kid with us!

This is taken at the pulpit inside First Baptist Church Dallas.

Amy sharing her quick story about who she is and where she's going (she did awesome!)

First Bottle

Before Spencer was even born Carson was asking if he could give Spencer his first bottle. He has been asking me now for a few weeks when he can give the bottle. Today was the day! Both my boys did a great job. Glad to know Spencer can take a bottle....is there a date night in my future????

and this is Spencer on Bryn's bed

All our babies at 1 month...

1 month

Spencer is 1 month old today. It's hard to believe 4 weeks have already flown by since he was born. He has been a great baby and we are all enjoying him. He is still feeding every 3 hours around the clock (he's given some 4 hour stretches in the night but nothing regular yet). He is more alert each day and he starting to fill out some. I'm so thankful for this little man!

A Memorable Weekend

Last weekend we headed up to Durham for Papa's retirement from his 23 1/2 year pastorate at Ridgecrest Baptist Church. It was a very special weekend and I'm thankful our family could be there to celebrate their faithfulness in ministry. It was so neat hearing so many people share words of encouragement and gratitude for Don & Scarlet throughout the weekend. It was also a memorable weekend because we celebrated Kaleb's birthday on Saturday, Don's birthday on Sunday, and we all got to meet the 2 new additions to the family. Much to be thankful for!

Kelsey & Spencer

Celebrating Kaleb's 15th birthday

Allyson & Spencer

the 2 new additions...Owen & Spencer

Nana & Spencer

Don & Scarlet at the dinner celebration Saturday night.

Celebrating Papa's birthday on Sunday.